This Time

Just this once, just this time, I promised myself. I made myself the same promise each time I dialed the escort service. I both dialed and pleaded with God to help me stop dialing. It was destroying my life, my savings were gone, I lied to my family all the time. Make me stop.

Please use the open space below to share your first 50 words on the topic “this time.”

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Author: Virginia DeBolt

Writer and teacher who writes blogs about web education, writing practice, and pop culture.

5 thoughts on “This Time”

  1. Just this once, I told myself, just one drink and I won’t do it again. That’s what I told myself as I stood in line at Petzinger’s liquor store & bought the big bottle of Scotch. But it was never just one drink, it was until I was foaming at the mouth, crying about how I hate myself, crawling on the floor, and finally passed the fuck out.

    “Just this,” I told the counterman at Petzinger’s.

    “Party at your place this weekend?” He asked, eyeing the large bottle.

    “Man, you have no idea,” I smiled a fake smile.

    And yes, I really believed my own bullshit about this time being the last time.

  2. Maybe this time I’ll be lucky….la de da da da. What’s that song? It just popped into my mind. Seems to be when you have a bad batting average and are unlucky with men there won’t be a “this time” I’ll be lucky. You continue to look for the same kind of men. It takes quite a while to soul search. It takes what seems like forever to improve your approach. For a while you continue to make the same mistakes. The slowly you begin to change how you feel about yourself. How you feel about relationships with men. So finally there does come a time when you can say “this time” I am doing it the right way. It has nothing to do with luck. It has to do with some counseling and serious work to change yourself. Then when you’re ready it works beautifully. You are just so happy with having come this far.

  3. This time, she knew it was for real. Saying that to herself, Gabby thought of a song titled This Time I Know It’s for Real sung by Donna Summer back in the ’80s. Devon had appeared in her life and everything changed—her outlook on life, her demeanor and her newfound faith in love, which she had lost after her divorce. They had common interests and they enjoyed each other’s company. She saw the relationship advancing to a more serious level, and Devon had given her many signs to point her in that direction. This time, it was definitely for real.

  4. Because I strongly believe “Change Is the New Normal” usually when a choice is presented I lean toward the one that challenges or moves me from a comfort zone. Often though, the first time a hurdle or problem becomes apparent, tinges of regret tweak my resolve. The familiar generates ease and a desire to pull back just because it IS familiar. It’s not the first time I’ve felt the need to struggle amid paradoxical desires. ‘Sound familiar anyone?

  5. This time .The present . In your face . Overwhelming. Right here. Nowhere to run. So, you wipe your sweaty palms on your denims and walk ahead . Take a deep breath , face the audience and wish you were dead.
    This time , you shall give a rocking speech. Record shattering . Ground breaking.
    Not the soggy little whimpering monologue of last time .
    Already , you see mocking faces in the crowd, teetering on the verge of a guffaw. Damn .
    Then you saw me . I was wishing so hard for you to see me . You smiled nervously, and I smiled encouragingly back.
    You straightened your shoulders, took out your spectacles and your notepad , cleared your throat. A good sign.
    Then you began. I relaxed in my seat. I knew, this time you had nailed it.

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