I’m sorry

My Aunt Elise was the kind of woman who would start a sentence with the words, “I’m sorry but,” and proceed to blast you with the most vile insults. Especially if the topic was religion or politics. She really wasn’t that nice about other topics, either, now that I think about it. I cut her out of my life long ago just to stay sane. Even so I wasn’t happy to hear about her death from a disease she called a hoax. Another unnecessary death that could have been prevented.

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Dancing with the Devil

We’d been home for so long, missing friends, missing company, missing good times. We decided to take a night off and go out to the pub – you know, that one down by the university with the big dance floor. We danced a lot and drank some beer and had a great time. That was 2 weeks ago. Today we are sitting in line to get a COVID-19 test because we both feel really bad.

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Your free gift

We have a free gift for you! All you have to do is give us your email address, your phone number, and your mother’s maiden name. Then we’ll send you the free gift immediately. Oh, and you should also leave a glowing review about us on social media. Oh, I forgot, we need your date of birth too. Hurry! It’s free!

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Bowling

Terrible bowlers, we were. We got together to throw heavy balls toward the pins in hopes of hitting one or two. Sometimes we did. Often we did not. But we sang with the loud music, drank a pitcher of beer, learned the two step while waiting our turn at the lane, and had fun anyway. The high scorer made about 78 points. It was a great night!

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Hey, Sweetheart

The Meals on Wheels lady called out, “Hey, Sweetheart,” when she knocked on the door. Then she’d come on in without waiting because she knew how hard it was for me to open the door. She’d talk about the food she brought, the weather that day. She’d hold my hand and pat my back. She’d smile and make me smile. Then she was gone. But the food always tasted like sunshine after she left.

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Seven Things

When I asked her to lunch I had a list of seven things I wanted to bring to her attention. It was our first business meeting – a tentative exploration of whether or not we would become partners in a new venture.

We never got past item one on my agenda. We ended up talking about ourselves for almost two hours. When she hugged me goodbye, I wasn’t sure about the business idea, but I was pretty sure I was in love.

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The train

My love for the commuter train from my small burg into the city depends on only one thing. Who sits next to me. I can have a beautiful ride into work if I’m not assailed with strange smells or someone who takes up more than their share of the seating. People who fall asleep and lean on me are the worst. People who are polite and quiet are the best.

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What’s the plan?

“What’s the plan?” I asked.

“Nothing is set in stone yet, but it looks like we’ll leave around noon. That should put us in Colorado before dark.”

“Have you checked the weather?”

“No. Have you?”

“Yeah, a blizzard is forecast.”

“Oh. We should discuss plan B.”

“What’s plan B?”

“Staying home.”

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Yo, cousin!

“Yo, cousin!” he said. He was behind me. The music was loud. I ignored him and continued my conversation with the prettiest girl at the party, Elsa Chang.

He clapped me on the shoulder. “Hey, cuz, you ignoring me?”

I turned his way. “Yeah, I am. Get lost, dude.” He studied me, glanced at Elsa, winked, and headed toward a group of basketball players he knew.

When I turned back, Elsa was gone.

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So Much

There is so much blood.

No, that’s a cliche, write something different for this scene.

I love you so much, if you die on me I’ll kill you!

No, that joke has been used.

Sorry, but I’ve had so much coffee I need to be excused.

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